Setting: 3 AM - Obama Campaign Headquarters
Barack Obama is making a phone call

(Ring)

(Ring)

Rev. Jeremiah Wright: Wright here.

Barack Obama: Hey, Bro. Wright, it’s Barack.

Wright: Barack! How are you, man?

Obama: …OK… but we’re, uh, still having some problems, Pastor.

Wright: Yeah? Well, I haven’t said anything, man! I promise!

Obama: I know. It’s just that I can’t shake it. Everywhere I go, people keep asking me about you. I - I just can’t shake it. Does Rev. Wright hate America…

Wright (interupts): You better believe I do!

Obama: Does Rev. Wright hate white people… does Rev Wright have a white grandmother… Pretty soon, people are gonna think you’re running!

Wright: Barry, Barry, you know I’d never do that to you!

Obama: I know, but it’s just too much. Just the other day, I almost said $#@* America at the end of my speech!

Wright (chuckling): You listened better than you let on, boy!

Obama(chuckling): Well… you know…

Wright: What do you want me to do? You want me to take a tour of North Korea until November, or what?

Obama: Naw, I’ve got a better idea. Go out and say something stupid. I’ve got some buddies that will invite you… let’s see… how about the NAACP and the National Press Club?

Wright: You could get me in at the National Press Club?

Obama: Oh, yeah. No sweat. But listen. Say something really off the wall. More than usual.

Wright: OK… how about, “I hate those white government crackers! They invinted chicken pox and slipped it into my Kool-Aide!”

Obama: No, no, no. Harder. Further.

Wright: Well, here’s one-

Obama: Practice later. You’re good at this stuff. Here’s the scoop. I’m going to have to take you out.

Wright: (silence)

Obama: You know what I mean? I’ve got no choice here. You’ve got to come out and be wacked enough to let me get rid of you.

Wright: Look, I retired for you. You’re going to throw me under the bus?

Obama: Hey, I threw my grandma under the bus! It’s not personal! You know as well as I do that we’ve got to win this election. The polls-

Wright: Those polls are manipulated by white computer geeks who are controlled by the government, and you know it!

Obama: I know, Bro. Wright. You and I both know it. But the people haven’t, y’know, woken up yet! Look, this is the greatest nation on earth, and we’ve got to change it! You know that! Come on, you told me to get in this thing to begin with.

Wright: I know…Look, just do it. I’ll be alright.

Obama: Hey! Once I’m elected, I’ll make it up. How about an ambassadorship, or something?

Wright: Sounds good, sounds good. How about Sudan or Libya?

Obama: Libya sounds do-able.

Wright (chuckling) : I like the way you think, boy! We’ll get you elected. Don’t you worry ’bout me. We’ll get you elected. By the way… why you calling at three in the morning?

Obama: I couldn’t let anyone see me! You know that!

Wright: Yeah…. well, don’ t you worry, son. We’ll get you elected. (Yawns) You done talking?

Obama: Yeah. Don’t let me down, now.

Wright: No prob. G’night Barry!

Obama: G’night, Pastor!

Earlier in the election cycle, it seemed as if the Republican Party was insistent upon losing this election. Conservative pundits, the Party establishment and even the candidates themselves seemed to trying to throw the race to the Democrats.

The talkers trashed a great up and coming conservative candidate in Mike Huckabee, who came in second despite them. The establishment backed candidates that no one really wanted, like Giuliani and Romney. The stalwart, old-party candidates, Thompson and McCain, ran campaigns that drifted and spun wildly.

In the end, backed by reluctant conservatives, and a kinda-enthusiastic establishment, McCain became the candidate by default. It seemed that the GOP was purposely choosing the least electable candidate to be our Party’s nominee. I thought the Republicans were trying to lose, and doing a fine job of handing the Democrats an easy win.

Until now….

Not to be outdone by the GOP’s dismal and frantic nomination process, the Democrats are determined to give the Republicans a run for their money. At losing, that is. Now that the field has been winnowed down to just two, Obama and Hillary are trying their best to destroy any chances of a Democrat victory. To this conservative, it’s almost laughable. Almost.

Obama, once the “race-transcendent” candidate, has become a stammering apologist for the hate-America wing of the black political movement. He’s not defending what they believe, because he can’t believe it and win. But he’s not denouncing them, because he can’t denounce himself and his own constitutency and win. So, Obama expects us to believe that he listened to his preacher just enough to be a Chrisian, just like us…but that he ignored his preacher so much that he didn’t know (gasp) that his preacher was a raving lunatic who hated America! It’s all the sound bite’s fault anyway.

In all fairness, nearly anyone can have a sound bite lifted out of context. But this is more than the press playing sound-bitus with an unpopular man. What kind of preacher wants God to damn America? What kind of preacher uses racial slurs, even to make a point? What kind of people listen to this stuff? What kind of people believe it?

Turning to Hillary, evidently she was not able to stand the thought that Obama might help the Democrats lose more than she would. She just had to join the fray. For reasons completely unknown to any sane person, she began to concoct war stories. Claiming to have come under sniper fire may sound brave, but it stretches the imagination. Especially to think that Hillary told us this knowing that nearly every moment of her public life is on video tape. What’s next, is she going to claim to have invented the Internet? Perhaps, it wasn’t Neil Armstrong taking one giant leap for mankind, after all.

So, the Democrats continue to kill the win while pursuing it. My prediction is that the Democrat establishment will let the two fight it out, even up until the convention. That same establishment will then order them onto the ticket together, to try and unify the party. Watch out, because Obama will win, and Hillary will be forced to the VP spot. She’ll be madder than a wet hen because of it. Yet, her hunger for power will force her to smile and campaign madly.

In fact, the “Dream Ticket” will not be Barack and Hillary. It will be Barack, Hillary and the side show formerly known as Bill Clinton. They will gang up on McCain with all the pent up fury of a plugged volcano, finally spewing. It will be worse than scorched-earth against McCain. It will be nuclear.

To beat this, McCain desperately needs to be likable. That’s about as likely as Bill Clinton being invisible. A likable Vice Presidential candidate would help McCain, but it would almost take Ronald Reagan himself to bring charm and warm fuzzies into the McCain camp. In the twenty or so names that have been mentioned, only two or three even remotely have what McCain needs. The Veepstakes are the only unknown on the GOP side of the equation, and they need to be more than just substantive. For McCain to compete, they need to be brilliant, and brilliance is in short supply this season in both parties.

In the end, this election will not be about which Party won. It will be about which Party insisted upon loosing. I don’t see anyone winning right now.